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[14 Mar 2004|11:03am] |
ALL THE UGLY PEOPLE THIS TIME -music stops i screem- 'Y M C A'
that was a priceless moment, so last night was elysas bat mitzva, i had to wear a dress, i looked like crap. pnut was over and he was all dressed up and stuff, he was soooo cute!! n e ways, sam came over b4 we left, people dressed up amuse me. thenw e went to go get gemma she looked so pretty! i wanted to put her in a box and take her home with me... im not weird. so we went elysa was wearing a pink prom dress, i liked it. the servis was so funny, even tho it wasnt soposed to be. one of the song thingers sounded like its a small world, so i leaned over to gemma and i was like 'its a small world after all' then sam was dancing it was the funnyest thing ever, i was laughing my ass off. it was great. it was one of those times where u dont want laugh but u cant help urself. then it us with our short attention spans. gemma was sistting next to the outlit and she was like 'n e one got a fork' it was great. she put us at the all american rejects table. HA! IT WAS THE LOSER TABLE!!!!! HAHAHAHA!! made me giggle. i lost a pound from dancing. rnt u proud?
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[11 Mar 2004|09:55pm] |
unsung 0s loser: 4 doctors, about 20 x-rays and they still cant find out whats wrong with me. wow. im in so much pain and my dad doesnt even cares, i dont know how im typeing right now because i can barly move my arms. all they can tell me is take hot baths and take this percription. GREAT! MORE PILLS! god fucking damn it, ima fucking scream!
i cant do this any more. im so fucking ugly it makes me sick..
someone told me im annoying in 1st hour. so im just not going to talk n e more. simple as that, solves every ones problems. no one can complain about me, i havent done n e of my science work in about 2 weeks. im afraid to look on pinical because i think im failing like every class.
every one would rather have my sister than me, my father, my friends, even my fucking subsitute teacher likes my sister better then me. oh well. what ever.
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[28 Feb 2004|12:20pm] |
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alyse is pushing me outa her life, its not me thats pushing her out its her pushing me out. i posted a comment in one of her entrys and i went to go see if she replyed but she didnt, she deleted it. yeah so lifes a bitch then u die...
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[22 Feb 2004|09:42pm] |
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i have a line from a movie stuck in my head along with like 4 songs, but i think its weird that a line from a movie is stuck in my head from mulan rouge "oo!! i feel like danceing!!!".. i am feeling so fucking useless right now, sitting here on my lazy ass doing nothing but updating my journal. pnut stayed for dinner at my house today. i love being with him, i feel like im worth something, like i belong in the world. we had our first fight last night, god i never want to do that again. im failing science and geography, i have a 50 in each class. i've never done this bad before in school. im sucha fucking drama dork im sitting here listening to the sound track from jekyll & hyde sound track, it is the shiznit. well... i should say im TRYING to listen to it, my sisters BLASTING HER FUCKING MUSIC! then singing over it! omg, sometimes i wish she couldnt sing!! lol it was funny, she thinks she has all this athority but she got up infront of the class to conduct her student conducted chorus peice for chorus and no one listend to anything she said i had to like yell to ask her a question so she would be able to get started, u kno so people would accutaly listen to something she said. it was great. she knew that i saved her ass. but then she yelled at me later that day. i love how she can just like me one second then hate me the next. it amuses me. anyways things are cooling off with brandon, and i IMed alex today to see if he rememberd me. but i think he just asked me on a date. i hope not, im not gonna go by my fucking self with him hes gonna fucking rape me or something! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH im skurred!!! lol its really funny because i was listeing to the baby boy song thinger on y100 and wild 95.5 i love that fucking song! its so great! and im so like ROCK MUSIC ALL THE WAY! yeah... i still feel like shit! i acctualy slept last night. i slept till 10 today. then i woke up and felt like i was gonna die. hey atleast i got some sleep. hey its a start,
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[21 Feb 2004|09:27pm] |
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so i lied, im sitting here its like 8:30 (the last time i looked at the clock) i've been up since about 5, im surprized i even got to sleep. it was one of those nights when u go to sleep and then u wake up and u feel as tierd as u did when u went to bed. yeah so my mom and i are getting along better then we were before, i think its because both of us are on meds. i dunno, i cant belive that brandon missed the whole fucking point of the entry that i just posted. oh well. it doesnt really matter im not his problem anymore he should just like push me away so he doesnt have to deal with my patheticness and crys for help. i wonder if i would let anyone help me if they tryed... i never really thought about it. yeah so im obsessed with this miserere mei thing its from a christian song that we are singing in chorus called Ave verum corpus. the song is sooooo pretty its a 4 part harmonie set in a minor key (alyse and michelle are probably the only 2 that have ANY idea what im talking about lol) well the phrase means show on me thy mercy, in latin i dunno i think its pretty. in the song its pretty its right after this thing about jesus then its like quiet then the tenors and the altos come in singing that then the basses then the sapranos, god its soooo pretty. my fav song that we are singing in chorus is at the river, then ave verum, then poor man lasurith, then flower of beatuy, then my heart, then the other songs. at the river is so pretty its got 4 part harmonies no unisons and the altos have the melody for one part its soooo fucking pretty!!! yeah so the week of the FCAT i get outa 1st hour to go to sing with coral i love coral!. yeah so thats about it
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| this may be the last thing that i write for long |
[20 Feb 2004|06:41pm] |
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music |
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wasted youth-meat loaf |
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i dont kno if i wanna post here or not. im kinda skeptical to post comments in alyse's journal after that big fight that we had, she made it seem like i am an evil bitch, i dont really think im that mean. if im wrong someone please tell me. thats probably why i've been so down lately, i feel like im not me. im so freaking scared to let anyone in to really get to know me. the last person i let in to really know me was brandon savage. i really did love him, i loved him more then anything, he was my best fucking friend in the whole world.. more then that words cant discribe what i felt for him and if anyones got a problem with that seems to be their problem. it wouldnt have worked. there was too much of an age difference. thats not what im talking about tho, i let him in, i let him know me and now we arent even talking i cant even say anything to him. another person i let know me was katie... i dont even want to start with that. im scared to let anyone else know me i cant handel the pain again im so weak as it is, i seriously dont know whats stoping me from ending it, probably the fact that im a PUSSY and that im so fucking scared to do it. im fucking failing 2 of my classes and i cant even sleep at night, what the FUCK is wrong with me? i've got more problems then i know what to do with, i hate my fucking meds im on more my meds then my dog, and my dog has cancer... i hate this more then anything, i just want to cry but the tears wont come and i dont wanna sit and sob and feel sorry for myself, i need to get out of here, do something productive. happy people are starting to sicken me, i just want to be anti socail like i am at lunch, just sitting there listening to music alone with my thoughts. i cant do this anymore. i got an apointment with my psycritrist to get medication and soemthing to help me sleep because i cant focas in school and i cant sleep. so on a lighter note i wrote some guitar tabs, if n e one that plays wants to see them tell me and i'll givem to u. i dont really know what else to say...
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[08 Feb 2004|09:54am] |
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jack off jill- "the super song" |
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i think im gonna use livejournal again.. i just have to change my look because i highly dislike it, and my icon because its getting old. i just woke up, im sitting here in pnuts shirt, and my pj pants. yesterday was my birthday and im really really tierd. it turned out to be a good birthday, pnut spent the whole day with me, i love him, then at 6 brett, lindsay, and gemma came over then alyse, michelle, sam, val, and greg. later big greg called so he was like involved in the party it was fun! yeah nothing really big happend.. (hehe) makes me laugh n e ways ima go because this is making me feel fat lol I DONT KNO DONT ASK!
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[01 Jan 2004|11:39pm] |
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stupid fucking ujournal isnt fucking working right now the whores! i am not takeing my meds n e more and the conformest basterds can kiss my ass
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[08 Dec 2003|09:36pm] |
Post anything that you want (in comments), and post it anonymously. Anything. A story, a secret, a confession, a fear, a love -- anything. Be sure to post anonymously and honestly. Post twice if you'd like. Then, put this in your LJ to see what your friends (and perhaps others who you don't even realize read your LJ) have to say.
ANYTHING
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[30 Nov 2003|08:26pm] |
Your soul is bound to the Rose Petals: The
Wronged.
"'ve come undone and all hopes of mending
me are gone because the pain took my soul.
Can't you see? The only one who can put me
back together again is me."
The Rose Petals are associated with sorrow,
reflection, and wisdom. They are governed by
the goddess Persephone and their sign is The
Teardrop, or Broken Love.
As a Rose Petal, you are always self-reflective and
may be hard on yourself. You probably have
been hurt in the past by other people and can
sometimes distance yourself, as a result. You
don't usually let other get too close to you,
but you are very good at mending your spirits
back together by yourself.
What Rose Is Your Soul Bound To?
brought to you by Quizilla
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[19 Oct 2003|05:19pm] |
My inner child is six years old!
Look what I can do! I can walk, I can run, I can
read! I like to do stuff, and there's a whole
big world out there to do it in. Just so long
as I can take my blankie and my Mommy and my
three best friends with me, of course.
How Old is Your Inner Child?
brought to you by Quizilla
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| poem |
[17 Oct 2003|12:08am] |
it hurts to face reality
it also hurts to dream
my pillow is my savior
takeing me away
i pump the pills to get to sleep
falling into my dreamless solitude.
im scared with out them
needing, wanting the solitude that i seek
but when i sleep, i dream
and thats what scares me
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[11 Oct 2003|01:06pm] |
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"the cd" |
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HOME COMMING IS GOING TO ROCK! we have like 20 people in one limo and its just gonna kick ass so hard! my dress rocks! greg is getting a tux to match and its gonna be cool. we've got me, greg, cortney, josh, ariella, cyanne, her date, her brother, her brothers date, her sister, her date, kristina, her date if she has one, tiff, her date(?), her sister, her date, and jen(who ever that is). thats 18 people!! AHH!!! i wish michelel would go! that would be even cooler! ahh!! EXCITEMENT!
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[05 Oct 2003|10:01pm] |
so i havent updated in a while.. im being yelled at by people because i havent.
so last night i went to alyse's band compition and the springs band was there i didnt get to see them b/c i went w/ alyse's mom and sister who had to babysit that night so it was just alyse's mom and i which in any other circumstance would be reeeeeally unconfortable.. but it was okay b/c her moms cool. the bands were great. then my mom decideds to text message me saying "call me when its over i need to talk to u" and im like, fuck what did i do now. so i call her in the middle of the performance to see what was wrong, she was like "U DIDNT FUCKING CLEAN UR FUCKING ROOM I CANT BELIVE U, U WENT TO GO HIDE OUT AT ALYSES HOUSE SO U DIDNT HAVE TO DEAL WITH ME" which is not true b/c i did clean my room b4 i left my moms just crazy and likes to make me feel bad. so i went on watching the show thinger and she calls my again and starts yelling at me.. i cant stand my mother... so i went back to alyses school and i saw nina, rachel, and heather!!!!! i miss them so much! so we went back to alyses house and ate.. i dont remember what and then the next day i call my mom b/c she told me to call her first thing in the morning and shes yelling at me for no reason at all and i just say 2 words and shes SCREEMING at me and i didnt even do ANYTHING so im just sitting there getting yelled at by my mom. then she hangs up on me and im like what ever i dont care anymore. and she calls back screams hangs up calls back, yells and im like "but u told me to..." and shes like "YOU CAN WALK HOME IM NOT DRIVEING OVER THERE TO PICK U UP!" so im just like what ever. and then my dad calls and starts giveing excuses for my mom yelling at me. im just like what ever.. b/c i really dont care anymore.. i really dont want to live here n e more. but... what ever...
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[21 Sep 2003|07:40pm] |
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yes so my parents got in a car crash but they are okay. yes but its gonna cost us a lotta money to get it fixed and then the other cars brakes went today so we arent doing very well..
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mizzthant0402's journal
